Zerstören
by Carol Lair
Summary: [POST-HOGWARTS] At the height of the First Wizarding War, Lily Evans gives up fighting for the Order of the Phoenix's ideals and mysteriously disappears from everyone's life without saying goodbye. Two years later, a year after Lord Voldemort's fall, she is back at the Aurors Headquarters, but no one, especially her ex-boyfriend James Potter, seems to be willing to trust her again.


**Disclaimer** : Nothing belongs to me. Everything belongs solely to J. K. Rowling.

 **Zerstören** ; in German: to destroy.

* * *

 **Chapter 1 - She**

* * *

 **[Friday, October 22, 1982, 5:33pm]**

All was well. All was really well for almost a year. Precisely for this reason, everyone at the department was completely puzzled when Alastor Moody summoned the Aurors to an emergency meeting in his office, in the late afternoon that Friday.

James Potter, who was a highly respected Auror at the Headquarters of Aurors, could not avoid the bump in his stomach when informed about the meeting. Therefore, he immediately began to wonder at the many possibilities about what could have happened. After all, all the times that Moody called the entire team to one of these unexpected meetings were not to give good news.

In his way to the office of his boss, James met Sirius Black in the hallway. Unlike the usual expression of complacency that his friend was always overflowing, at that moment his expression seemed to be very worried. The reason for that change, of course, was the same reason that was disturbing James.

"What do you think it will be about?" Sirius asked in a low tone, so that others would not hear him. "Do you believe that there is any chance that Voldemort has returned?"

"I don't know, Pads." James replied, trying to look calm.

They entered the room and sat in the few chairs available. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew waved to them from their seats, both showing to be concerned as Sirius. Moody was at the end of the long table, checking all the gifts with his mad eye. James noticed that his mad eye was more unquiet than ever during the last year. More precisely, since the last time they were in that same room. And, knowing Moody as he knew, it only could be a sign of constant vigilance. James looked around and realized that Sirius probably should be thinking the same.

"Now we're screwed, Prongs" James heard him murmuring.

While they were waiting for the last people to arrive to the room, James was taken by memories of other situations that he had experienced in that same place. That was the place where the Order of the Phoenix began to form, a few months after his graduation. That was the place where they designed many of the plans that led them to capture dozens of Death Eaters in recent years. That was also the place where, many times, they met to receive terrible news, such as the Bones family murder, at the height of the war.

And within a few days to complete one year from the last time that James and some other Aurors were in that same room, Moody called them to a new meeting. That was intriguing, to say the least, since that in that last time, they had managed to create a plan to ambush Voldemort and finally bring him down. And precisely because of this fact, that had been the last meeting. Since then, there have been no really serious threat or any mission involving the participation of all the Aurors.

Precisely for this reason, all those present were breaking out in a cold sweat.

Marlene McKinnon was the last to arrive at the meeting and she took the last place available. Only when she sat down, under the tense eyes of all other Aurors, Moody cleared his throat indicating that he would begin to speak. James remained inexpressive, looking at some random point in the center of the table, but inside he felt that he was almost exploding.

"Good afternoon, Aurors." He said, finally stopping to move that mad eye to all directions. "Why are you all looking at me with this face? Don't you rely on your own work?"

Sirius looked into James' eyes as if he was asking ' _what's the matter with this old man?_ '. _Screw it, Sirius. If some shit had happened, Moody would be screaming at us_ , James mentally replied to him, turning his look back to the center of the table. But Sirius remained unquiet.

"Next Sunday it will complete a year, as you should remember." Moody spoke again. James could not look at him for a long time. His mad eye wheeling always bothered him. A lot. "Therefore, the minister is offering a party for the entire Ministry on next Friday". He stood up from the chair and leaned his body on his rough hands over the table. "All those involved in the final battle will be honored during the ceremony and, naturally, your presence is essential".

As the head of the Aurors finished his announcement, everyone started to comment on how relieved and satisfied they were. Sirius turned back to James again and said about ten bad words at a time, breathing deeply. Later, Frank Longbottom stood up and started to head towards the exit.

"Longbottom, I haven't finished yet" Moody spoke louder than everyone, while still standing in the same position. "I also would like to inform you that, with effect from Monday next week, Ms. Lily Evans will be part of our team again." he paused cautiously, watching their surprised faces. "That's all. Now you can go. Thank you."

His mad eye turned precisely to James. In fact, the eyes of all Aurors turned to him. Why did everyone remain seated? James had no idea of what they expected him to do. That he would object to that statement? No. He definitely had nothing to say. It had been more than two years since James had heard of her for the last time. He had absolutely no idea of what had happened to her.

When James came back to reality, he had already risen from his chair and, unable to face any colleague, he went out of the room, closing the door behind him.

* * *

 **[Friday, October 22, 1982, 6:07pm]**

It was frustrating how much all his efforts over the last two years meant nothing in the moment after her name was spoken out loud. Two years without hearing that name. Two years trying to forget that name. For nothing.

No one of his friends would say her name out loud when he was present. Ever. And James never had to ask them not to. The way she had turned her back to her friends, to the Order of the Phoenix and to the wizarding society at the height of the war was enough for them to understand his anger.

It was a little more than two years ago that James had awakened at the St. Mungo's Hospital in a sunny morning of September, some days after one of the worst battles against five Death Eaters, before he was simply informed that his girlfriend was gone. Where to? He never knew it. She could not wait for him to wake to explain anything. Her motives? He could not understand as well, because she did not tell anyone. She just packed her bags and nobody ever heard of her again.

In the first days after that morning, James searched for her in all possible places where she could have been hiding. Her sister did not know a thing and her friends were as uninformed as him. He sent owls to everyone he knew from his time at Hogwarts with whom he had lost contact after graduation, asking them if they knew about anything. But he only received negative replies.

It took him time to accept the idea that she abandoned him. During the first days, he thought that her disappearance had been just a reaction somewhat exaggerated in relation to the consequences of the war. After all, people lived in fear and even she, a brilliantly competent Auror, had the right to feel that way.

Then, over the first few weeks, he finally understood. Lily Evans was not coming back. And if a shrewd witch like her just wanted to disappear without a trace, then no one would ever find her. Lily Evans had run away and abandoned the war. The last battle against those five Death Eaters, in which James had been seriously injured trying to protect her, had been too much for her. Lily Evans was not so brave and idealistic as it seemed until then. When Lily Evans realized that her chances of dying were really high, she packed her bags and left the wizarding world and its war behind.

James dropped down on the couch of his apartment and drew deeply on a cigarette. After the meeting, he had left the Ministry and disapparated as soon as possible. He was not willing to face the stares of his colleagues and, especially, the questions of those who would dare to make them.

In fact, even he had questions. How dare she come back after all? Would she believe that, now that peace has been restored in the wizarding world, she could go back as if she had never gone away? Why would Moody allow her to come back, since she left the Order when they more needed her? And for how long she would be in touch with her old boss?

James heard someone knocking on the door. He knew exactly who it was and he definitely did not want to face it. Even so, he said:

"Come in."

And the door opened and closed slowly.

"We need to talk, James"

James blew out the cigarette and turned his face toward the voice. Emmeline Vance, who was his girlfriend for almost a year – he did not know the time for sure – was standing beside the door, staring at him. Her blonde-gray hair slightly loosening from the ponytail and the barely buttoned black overcoat indicated that she had left the Ministry in such a hurry as he.

"James." she called him when he turned his look back at her. She walked up to him and sat beside him on the couch "Marlene told me."

Without understanding what Emmeline was hoping for him to say, James just shook his shoulders and waited. The silence lasted uncomfortably long and he felt like smoking a cigarette.

"James, talk to me." Emmeline demanded while James lighted up another cigarette with the tip of his wand.

"What do you want me to say, Emmeline?"

"Tell me what you are thinking."

James looked askance at her. It was impossible to figure out what his girlfriend wanted to hear. Because while Lily Evans was his most relevant ex-girlfriend – perhaps the only relevant one -, Lily Evans was also one of Emmeline's best friends at Hogwarts.

"I have nothing to say, Emme." and drew his cigarette so that he could remain in silence.

Emmeline got up and stood before her boyfriend, crossing her arms.

"Great. If you don't wanna talk, just don't talk." She sighed, annoyed. "I just came here so that we could talk before going to The Three Broomsticks. I am already anticipating the horrible atmosphere that we will have there because of this news."

"To be honest with you, I was thinking on not going there anymore."

"What do you mean, James? It's my birthday!" Emmeline had a dissatisfied look on her face.

When he realized how insensitive he was acting, James stood up to take a better look at her. Emmeline's hazel eyes were somewhat teary and when he noticed that, it made him feel even worse.

"I'm sorry. Of course I'm going. For you."

Emmeline nodded once, but she was still clearly upset.

"I will wait for you there" she said. Then she left the apartment.

* * *

 **[Friday, October 22, 1982, 9:52pm]**

The pub was pretty overcrowded on that Friday. James entered the place and quickly spotted the group of friends seated at a table on the left. Everyone was already there.

As soon as he sat in the last chair available, next to Emmeline, he realized that everyone was checking on him, each in their own way. They probably had already spoken about _her_ and, now that he had finally arrived, they were all afraid for his humor.

But Sirius Black immediately knew what to do.

"Rosmerta, sweetheart, another round of firewhisky, please."

James looked at him gratefully. Emmeline was still somewhat angry with him, as she avoided to look him in the eyes and soon started talking to Marlene and Alice, as if he was not there. He just did not know if she was angry because of what he had said earlier, in his apartment, or because he had arrived quite late at the pub. Or both.

"So." Remus started, aiming to break the ice. "Tutshill Tornadoes are leading the league standings. Who would say, huh?"

"That's pure luck." Frank commented casualy.

"They will fall soon, you'll see it." Sirius added.

"Yeah." James agreed. "They will fall."

"For sure." Peter agreed, on the other side of the table.

And then the silence came. Madam Rosmerta delivered their orders and left. Emmeline pushed her firewhisky glass, drawing attention with the sudden movement. Marlene looked at Sirius as if she understood something.

"Emme, let's go to the bar counter to order some drinks." Marlene stood up. "I don't want this firewhisky too. In fact, Sirius, I didn't understand why you asked for one more round for everyone, after all, not everyone here needs to get drunk whenever they are at a bar."

Marlene walked away toward the bar and Emmeline followed her, seeming to agree with everything that her friend had said. James understood what Marlene had done, and he knew that it was inevitable. He drank his whiskey and waited until someone had the guts to address the topic.

And then silence came again.

"Ok." Alice could not take it anymore. "Somebody must speak with Moody _urgently_. I believe he got really mad now! What's in his head? To place _her_ back on the team? We don't need more members! Furthermore, _she_ is not trustworthy!"

James took another sip.

"James, you're the captain of our team." Peter started to talk. "You can't trust her. After she went away and all the history with Snivellus..."

"In addition, isn't it suspicious that she decided to come back shortly before a year since the war is over?" Frank pondered. "There might be something in here we don't know."

"For sure." Alice supported. After a pause, he continued: "You know, when she was gone I wanted to believe that she was just a coward. Even with her involvement with Snape. But now that she decided to come back, I can't believe it's _just_ that. We must be realistic."

"But if Moody trusts her enough to put her back in the Ministry, then we shouldn't be worried about it. He wouldn't accept her if he didn't trust her." Remus said and, apparently, he was the only one who was not so outraged by the idea.

Everyone looked at James, waiting for an answer. But he did not say anything at all. He was just staring at the glass in front of him, which was almost empty now. He just did not want to talk about it, was that so hard to understand?

"Man." Sirius, the only one who had not yet shared his views, started speaking. "You'll have to talk to her."

"No." James replied immediately. "I have nothing to talk to her."

Marlene was back at the table, bringing two butterbeers, one in each hand.

"Emme went to the toilet." she explained as she sat back down.

"James, listen to me." Alice called him. She seemed to be concerned. "We don't know what she was doing in the last two years. We don't know where she was, let alone _with whom_. We also don't know what Moody knows about it. You must do something."

Amid of a heavy sigh, James shook his head. He just wanted Emmeline to return to the table, so the topic would be closed.

"I just don't understand how she has the guts to come back after all." Marlene said, more as if she was talking to herself than to the others. "I mean, she ran away! She didn't want to continue fighting the war. She knew that she was essential for the Order, but she decided to go away without telling us why! I would never expect such behavior, especially from _her_. And what happened to Dorcas... If _she_ hadn't gone, maybe..." she paused, shaking her head. "I really don't understand."

"I don't understand as well." James finally looked up from his glass. "But rest assured that things will not be easy for her. You can be sure that soon she'll be returning to where she came from."

"So, Tutshill Tornadoes are leading the league standings." Sirius suddenly started talking. "They will need to hire a faster seeker if they wanna stay in that position."

"Is Kevin Crane retired or just free agent?" Frank asked.

Emmeline was back and in her seat. As soon as she sat down, she turned her face to look at James and put a hand on his thigh, trying to demonstrate that everything was well. The friends kept talking about Quidditch. James took his girlfriend's hand and cracked a shy smile. And all would continue well. Emmeline would do anything for that.

* * *

Precisely at that moment, in a dimly lit room in Diagon Alley, Lily Evans was taking a sleeping potion.

* * *

 **A/N:** Hi guys! As you might have noticed, English is not my mother language. I'm a Brazilian ficwriter and my dear boyfriend translated the first chapter of my fanfic into english as a Christmas present. So pleeease, be kind to us if you're going to review, ok?

It's been about one year and a half since I've started writing this fanfic (in Portuguese, of course) and many of my readers (who also read other fanfics in another languages) have been asking me to translate Zerstören into English, since its plot is somehow "original" (is it even possible nowadays? lol) and readers from abroad could be interested. Well, then, here it is!

I hope you enjoyed! If so, please, review and make my Christmas even brighter!

XX,

Carol Lair


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